…that responds to cycles.

It is every couple of years when infatuation hits hard -and some parts of it are rationally inexplicable. What kind of details are the cause for those feelings? What is seen in the object of infatuation? I can describe some of those features, but not enough to explain why (she) is so special -and why thoughts about her keep coming back.

I can say that those feelings -while I reckon they aren’t exactly limerence- widely transcend sexual interest. But I can’t deny that sometimes they aren’t more than a fake compound of feelings that are searching for some stability out of need when there’s almost no attraction (that brings the word “homeopathy” to my mind). But both desperation and self-deception don’t stay long. When there’s a response to the attraction, self-deception is tested. When there’s not, the sadness (risen by the loss of hope) ends up fading.

The problem is when the latter stays for more than expected. I guess it is usually aggravated when the response to the attraction is not clear. Clear…

And it is worse when ‘the crush’ has been growing for months… and then you see a chance to put your cards on the table, but miscommunication rules the game.

It could be great if both persons had equal amounts of interest and the ability to manifest it openly- without fearing rejection. For that, the first step would be not to be afraid of rejection. Ironically, exposing your interest openly may be interpreted as desperation or neediness -neither of these features is very attractive.

But I think it is worth exposing your desires. Just giving the truth, without playing games- without smothering either. If we make it so complex in the beginning, how is it going to work? And if the other part has real interest, it should work. Unless there’s a real problem in the communication of expectations and feelings -in which case, it won’t be worth it either…

Anyway, it seems that in my case, there’s always too much disparity of feelings with the other one. Sometimes the other way around -but those times I don’t write about it.

Infatuation seems a damnation more than anything else.

PS: if translated to Spanish there would be a cut with quite an intension.

Day of lies Flow